I didn't have kids to be extensions of myself

[karadinart]

I get really pissed off when I hear people get upset because their kid might not believe the religion they want them to, or they are homosexual, or marry a person of another race, what have you. I get pissed off as the parent of a child with a disability and hear other parents (who have children with disabilities) whine ‘I didn’t get the kid I wanted.’

You shouldn’t have a child so they can live out your dreams, they are not an extension of yourself, they are their own people. Myself and my spouse wanted to have kids because we were so happy together and we wanted to share this amazing world with other people.

I think my kids are the coolest people on the planet, I look on them every day as the best decision I ever made (and I grew up never ever planning to have kids) my biggest fear is not what they will do or become that will reflect on me, it’s please god don’t let me screw them up.

Comments

[irisangel.livejournal.com]

This.

[karadin.livejournal.com]

Ah my daughter read this and it was so obvious to her, she didn't see my need for posting it.

[sabrinaphynn.livejournal.com]

Nodding vigorously in agreement with you.

Unlike you, I always wanted kids. I worry constantly that I am not good enough, because like you, my biggest fear is screwing them up.

Somewhere along the way, I came to understand that we all try the best we can, at least most of the time. And somehow, that has to be enough to be getting by on. From repairing the lovvies to encouraging the gardening and curious minds, I am doing what I can. And I know that my boys know that they are loved and I will listen and help if I can.

I do worry that I have passed on traits that may have made it difficult for them, but in doing so I also have the benefit of passing on the stratagies to manage those traits as well. They know Mom is not perfect!

They are totally themselves, and I could not ask for more than that. I do try to understand them and see where they are coming from, so that I may help them manage. (now if I could only get my partner to understand that!)

Besides, I want to live in the world that Harry and Greg see, even if it is not always the one that the rest of the world might perceive. How else will things change, if not for the dreamers?

[karadin.livejournal.com]

That's why I get involved in charity and politics, because I'm looking toward the world my kids are going to live in, and it's sad that even now, they are going to have less opportunities than I did, because of the 'fuck you I got mine' mentality of most of our politicians.

[unwritten-icons.livejournal.com]

My sister is unfortunately of the opposite mindset. She lives vicariously through her children, making them do all the things she never could as a child, even if they have no desire for it. She3 pushes them too hard and expects too much from them, they're only kids. They're expected to do more than any other child I know, and it makes me so sad, because eventually they're going to get tired of it and rebel, not that I'd blame them for it.

[karadin.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's bad to offer your kids things, but if they don't want to keep doing something (like tennis lessons, etc.) then why keep pushing? But what is really awful is taking your love away when for example, you find out your child is gay, or they want to live with someone and have kids but not marry, or convert to another religion, etc. Basically, anything that does not fit your views, it's called 'unconditional love'.

[mildly-neurotic.livejournal.com]

Based on this post I suspect you are a really stellar parent. Go you! :-)

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

Amen.

[excused-early.livejournal.com]

"I think my kids are the coolest people on the planet, I look on them every day as the best decision I ever made (and I grew up never ever planning to have kids) my biggest fear is not what they will do or become that will reflect on me, it’s please god don’t let me screw them up."

This. So much.

[earthspirits.livejournal.com]

I completely agree with you!

[ani-mama.livejournal.com]

‘I didn’t get the kid I wanted.’
That is such an awful thing for a parent to say!

[mamakinn.livejournal.com]

Brilliantly put! i absolutely agree with every word - mine are all grown now, and the amazing things they do delight me, now i learn from them. Like you, i never particularly wanted children and they were the best thing that ever happened to me - they kept me going when times were dark. You are clearly a remarkable parent and you are giving your children a great childhood.